Tweedle-deedle-dee!
By Christa TerryRenovating and redecorating — even when the change is a minor one — always makes me want to clean up. A new, intensely white stove just isn’t going to look right in a kitchen that’s a bit dingy with assorted life crud. It doesn’t matter if the replacement item is a sink, toilet, light fixture, or a new piece of furniture, I want to welcome it in with all of the fanfare it deserves. So what if I have to clean all over again when the installers are finished because they’ve left mud and sawdust everywhere?
The thing I really like about pulling things out from under cabinets and moving furniture around is that I’m bound to find something interesting or unexpected. Back in the old apartment in some random June, The Beard and I were rearranging our shared office. To our amazement, we found an unopened Christmas card containing three hundred dollars in cash.
I haven’t uncovered a similar windfall yet, though I am currently doing my best to clear my kitchen of all signs of human habitation. There will be plumbers and contractors tromping through today, and goodness forbid they see any signs that someone, say, cooks and eats in that room. Look, I’m the same person who will clean the entire house twice over because a friend is dropping in after work for a glass of wine. We can’t change who we are.
Anyone, the one thing I did find is the silly little pie bird that my mother-in-law bought me for my birthday last year. Fortuitously, it came with a matching pie plate…this was lucky because the cats’ dish is rather in need of a wash. For the time being, my feline companions will be dining out of a Pfaltzgraff dish.






I haven’t yet used my pie pan and bird to make an actual pie because I hate making pie crust. Pie birds, in case you’re wondering, are steam vents that keep wet fillings from bubbling over into the oven,where they make a great big smoky stink. I’ve been baking since I was knee high to a merry grasshopper (it’s a wonder that The Beard doesn’t weigh 400 pounds) but I cannot for the life of me make a pie crust that turns out tender. My crusts are, frankly, horrid, so I typically buy them, and then I still can’t use the pan because all of the roll out crusts contain lard and we’re vegetarians!
Where was I going with all of this? All I wanted to say when I started was that pie pans and pie birds make great gifts, even for those of us whose pies won’t be winning blue ribbons any time soon. An extra deep dish comes in handy now and again — your cats will thank you — and as for the bird…well, it can sit up on the windowsill over the new sink looking cute and inspiring conversation. After all, how many people in your life have ever seen a pie bird?
March 24th, 2008 at 9:01 am
I’ve been baking pies since I was seven and I’ve never used a pie bird. I don’t even know what their precise function is, I must admit.
My mother was like you; great cook who made lousy pie crust. When I made my first one and it turned out so perfectly, she praised me to the skies and then went and nearly beat her head against a wall in frustration. I’d have taught her how I do it if I knew how. Nearly forty years on, I’ve still got no clue why my pie crust always turns out flaky and delicious.
And I still don’t know what a pie bird does.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:16 am
It’s a steam vent, Twistie. Funny you should ask, because I’d intended to point out what they’re for in the post and then just spaced! Pie birds are steam vents that keep wet fillings from bubbling over into the oven (where they make a great big smoky stink). They also support the crust in the middle so it makes a nice pouf instead of sinking into the pie and getting all squishy*. I’m pretty sure they were invented in Britain in the 19th century, but I could be wrong.
*NOTE: the squishy dough is actually my favorite
March 24th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Funny. I just slice a couple vents in the top crust, if I’m using one, and if the filling is very full, I’ll leave a cookie sheet on the bottom of the oven to catch any big drips.
In my baking, squishy crust has never been an issue.
(ducks heavy items lobbed by those plagued by squishy pie crust)
But at least now I know what pie birds are actually used for, so my day feels far more productive than it did a few minutes ago.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
My mom was from the UK and she used pie birds only for meat pies – not for fruit pies. – and she explained to me that it was because with a meat pie, with all the gravy and veggies etc., if you did not vent out all the steam, the bottom crust would never cook properly. Now, having said that, I never have made a decent pie crust. For chicken pot pie, I use biscuit crust and for fruit..well, I just punt and make “whatever” crisp, avoiding the entire crust issue.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Crisp all the way, Toby Wollin! I pretty much prefer them anyway. BUT I do thing Twistie ought to share her pie crust recipe with us so we can share in her secrets!
March 24th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
For a perfect pie crust:
1) Use 2 – 3 tablespoons more shortening than the recipe calls for;
2) Use ice-cold water, as little as you can get away with;
3) Mix the crust very gently until just barely combined — overmixing makes it tough;
4) Roll the crust out between plastic wrap. Dampen the table or counter to make the wrap stick, cut two lengths of wrap about 18″ long, place them side by side, overlapping by about 3″, to create approximately a square. Pat the dough into a disc in the center of the square (it should be very crumbly). Add another layer of wrap the same as the bottom layer. Roll the dough, changing direction of rolling so that the dough stays roughly round.
Perfect pie, every time.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
But what about that pie SHEEP??? That’s just wrong, especially in a meat pie. It would be like, the Judas sheep, making sure the…no, I can’t go on. It’s Easter Monday. Too soon, too soon.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Thanks, Leigh! I will give it a try and report back.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Now pie sheep I could totally get behind, particularly if one is supposed to use them with meat pies. Yes, I have a strange and somewhat morbid sense of humor.
I don’t do any of Leigh’s tricks, with the exception of making sure the water (and butter, if I’m using that rather than shortning…and I do when I’m making a sweet pie) are ice cold and not overworking the dough. But I’ve watched people make pie crust step-by-step the way I do and have it not turn out, so I never tell people those are my secrets. They’re well advertised, anyway, and they never worked for my mother.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, NtB.
(sends golden, flaky pie crust vibes)
March 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Thanks for the vibes, Twistie!
And if you guys aren’t big bird fans, there’s the aforementioned sheep, little men and maids, elephants, tree frogs, tepees, bears, houses, cacti, and all sorts of other pie vents.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
My mom bought me a pie bird the Christmas after I moved away from home. It’s one of those things she considered an absolute necessity (we make a lot of pie in my family). Also a bean frencher, but I don’t use that as often.
March 26th, 2008 at 7:01 am
….Never teh Bride goes off to look up what bean frenching might be….
March 27th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Try Krusteaz piecrust mix: fabulously easy, no fail, tender crust. I usually made a backup dessert before my conversion to Krusteaz!
March 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Twistie,
I have amoderately working theory on this.
I have a heck of a time with pie crusts, as does my mother. We both have very warm hands.
Our family friend and my aunt both make excellent pie crust, they have cold hands.
If I am careful to rinse my hands in cold water when working with pie crust, It turns out.
I think it’s that because the fat is broken up into such tiny pieces, it doesn’t take much heat to melt it resulting in a solid, not flakey crust, remember , the flakes are formed when the butter melts and bubbles.
I would be interested to hear if you and your mother fit into this theory.
March 29th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Perfect pie crust: use King Arthur AP Flour, Spectrum Organic shortening (or half Spectrum and half unsalted butter), and ice water. Cut the flour into the shortening/butter until it’s just small crumbs, then sprinkle the water — many times I need to use more water than the recipe calls for, to get the dough to come together. Handle as little as possible, but don’t be afraid to put some muscle into it, either. If you’re too gentle, the crust won’t come together at all. Roll out on a floured surface — a silpat works great for this, but you still have to dust it with flour.
I taught myself piecrust when I was in college. My friends and roommates were always happy to eat my experiments, and eventually I got it down. Always, always use King Arthur flour … that’s my one must-have. Other AP flours have less protein and don’t behave the same way.
Good luck!
ps
the pie birds — and sheep — are adorable, but I do the same thing Twistie does, cutting vents and putting a cookie sheet underneath to catch the drips.
March 29th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I ADORE King Arthur products — we buy their flour in bulk!