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Thomas Kinkade’s 16 Guidelines for Making Stuff Suck

By Christa Terry

I detest Thomas Kinkade and his dewy, gooey, glowy paintings. There’s a whole development inspired by his hotel-quality “artwork” that is, oddly enough, filled with run-of-the-mill tract housing, not quaint cottages backlit by angelic luminescence at all times. Oh, and I hate Kinkade’s book, Cape Light, just because I can. I know, I’m such a meanie!

Thomas Kinkade

In fact, I’m such a meanie that this post about the Thomas Kinkade Christmas Movie at Vanity Fair just about made my day.

Kinkade, a postmodern Norman Rockwell for the evangelist set, instructed the crew to adhere to an aesthetic code that wouldn’t have flown in a first-year film class. The list of 16 “guidelines” on how to create “The Thomas Kinkade Look” on film, which was circulated to crew members in memo form, has been obtained exclusively by VF Daily.

So if you ever need to make a movie suck or make an entire planned community suck, feel free to follow the above link and apply Kinkade’s guidelines to your project.

10 Responses to “Thomas Kinkade’s 16 Guidelines for Making Stuff Suck”

  1. Jennie Says:

    Thank you!!!! I thought I was the only one that hates, despises, abhors, and thinks it’s so past fugly anything Thomas Kinkade! I keep getting this crap for Christmas from family members that don’t seem to realize that it doesn’t go with my Chemiakins and Pearson art pieces. “Master of Light”! “Master of Mass Marketing” is more like it. Can you tell I feel a bit strongly about this?

  2. Twistie Says:

    Oh Jennie, you are far from alone. Thomas Kinkade represents everything I detest: bland, over-sanitized, syrupy, and heavily processed. He Must Be Stopped.

  3. Jennie Says:

    What is worse is I think his lair is in the Carolinas. They advertise his “Galleries” all over the interstates. At worst, his abominations should only be allowed in Motel ^ or other lower end hostels. At best, he would have to work for 10 years at a landfill burying/burning the junk he has created.

  4. sara Says:

    Me too me too! Same thing when someone tells me they love classical music and proceed to gush about Sarah Brightman or the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Blecch.

  5. La BellaDonna Says:

    It looks a lot like Norman Rockwell with sparkles. Have any evangelists been caught miscegenating with Tinkerbell lately?

  6. class factotum Says:

    Yes, I know it’s not serious Art and I wouldn’t want it in my house, but {ducks} I think some of his stuff is pretty. And none of my tax money went to pay for something I find offensive with his stuff, so I can live with it.

  7. Never teh Bride Says:

    Jennie: Indeed I can! Maybe it’s time to start regifting. If you give the offending items right back, your relatives may get the hint.

    La BellaDonna: I find that image…intriguing yet scary.

    class factotum: I think perhaps it’s pretty in a holiday decor kind of way. Most people wouldn’t want their Christmas tree up all year long (though some would). Perhaps the answer is a two weeks a year KinKade period. After two weeks, all Kinkade goes back in the attic.

  8. Belle Says:

    I like to refer to him as the “Painter of Shite.” ‘Nuf said. 🙂

  9. Bettenhausen Says:

    Thanks, exactly what I was looking for. Saved me some time. 🙂


  10. Rial Says:

    First reaction when i saw the before and after: awesome.

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