Manolo for the Home

There’s a certain category of things for the home that I like to call BK, or “before kids.” Tasteful nudes are one thing — I grew up in a very cultural knowledgeable family with plenty of boobs and wangs on the walls. Still, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t red in the face when my grandfather used the word pubis while sagely pointed out artistic elements in paintings! I interned with a woman whose entire house was a repository for vintage XXX pinups…I always rather wondered what her 13-year-old son thought of them.

I imagine that most people who have things like collections of erotica and Madonna’s Sex book and love dice probably put them away when their kiddies get old enough to read and start asking questions like “What does whore mean?” Or they just don’t reproduce, which is cool, too. Viva Le choix!

The cups, mugs, and tableware Trixie Delicious creates run the gamut from too coole to relatively tame to OMG QUICK PUT IT AWAY BEFORE MY GRANDMA GETS HERE. Unless, that is, your grandma happens to be my grandma, because my gram has quite the dirty mind. There’s something about the dichotomy that tickles me…the first thing you see is this flowery auntiesque-looking plate, then your brain notices it has the word arse splashed playfully across it.

These are some of the tamer specimens. Racier, NSFWish plates can be seen under the jump!

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The Beard has been my linkman lately, and he did not disappoint today. His latest find was a pictorial tour of Mike Tyson’s former home on Illicitohio, an awesome (AWESOME!) site that documents the adventures of one anonymous urban explorer. The home has apparently been empty since the 90s and is mostly empty of furniture. It’s fun to look at what Mike Tyson’s decor guru thought was hot and what was left in the house after he decided to leave.

The photos speak for themselves, really. There’s commentary over at Illicitohio if you’re interested in anon’s take on the house and the decor, but I’ll leave you with this thought before presenting a selection of photos: Everything you see, from the furniture to the rugs to the faux plants, was someone’s idea of a real stylin’ pad.

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My grandmother on my mother’s side has a special tea cup she uses. The rest of us use Russian tea glasses while she drinks her blend from a dainty bone china cup and saucer covered in colorful flowers. It’s really a rather lovely thing to see on the table in the cold winter months because it’s so evocative of springtime.

Were I to choose a special cup of my very own, it would probably be a coffee cup and I’d more than likely pick the Chirp cup from Lenox. What can I say? I’m a total sucker for bluebirds…too bad I have a little trouble justifying the $25 price tag.

For now I’ll have to settle for my oddly-balanced yet beloved jade glass cup and saucer I bought at a Cracker Barrel store ages and ages ago. Do you have a special cup or mug or bowl or plate?

There is but a single quatro of napkin rings in the whole of my house. They’re pewter, and I found them long ago while poking through The Beard’s things. I was mystified…why did The Beard have a set of fancy napkin rings embellished with a single engraved H? They were obviously old–the heavy cardboard box in which they were stored was too nice to be new.

All mysteries aside, I thought that lovely pewter napkin rings really ought to be in the general circulation, so I confiscated them and bought a mess of ecologically responsible cloth napkins.

Who’d have thought mannerly cleanliness could be so much fun? I like sending The Beard to work with a packed lunch complete with a pretty yellow napkin tucked into a napkin ring. He’s told me that his coworkers think it’s awesome, and there are few things I like more than impressing people from afar.

My favorite rings are the porcelain Lenox rings, but that may be because I already have a pewter set. Unfortunately, the rings I have will have to do for a bit…at least until I get some new napkins and start entertaining again. I’ve been too busy lately to even think about rolling a napkin into a napkin ring.

There are few chores sadder than taking stock of the possessions left behind by an older relative forced by circumstance to move into a “home.” The things we gather over time define us in our own minds, but say something completely different to the outside observer. Some people–my mother, for instance–want everything to be new and flashy and modern. To them, anything vintage or outdated belongs in the dumpster.

Me? I like retro anything, even if it’s so kitschy as to be rather…ugly. I wouldn’t want a room full of kitsch, but a few crazy pieces of tacky history here and there can make an otherwise bland a room POP. People who visit say, “Oh my goodness, where’d you get this? My crazy old aunt had one just like it!” A ceramic cat or a crazy lamp really take people back…to spring vacations spent at the houses of grandparents…to their own childhoods. Everyone sees something different.

The story behind this photo and the ones that follow is this: I have a friend whose aunt is moving into a home, and it fell upon said friend to catalog the stuff left behind. His ladyfriend, Jennifer P., took pictures, and I found them to be quite moving.

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I’m usually pretty wary of anything pink that bills itself as benefiting a breast cancer research charity. The Susan G. Komen Foundation, for instance, has gotten the shaft from shady retailers who imply a connection to the organization by slapping pink ribbons on products, but never actually donate. Plus, why go out of your way to buy a pink grapefruit scented candle or a pink pair of panties when only a portion of the proceeds will be used for good? It’s easier to donate the money directly.

However, that said, I am easily swayed by cute, fun, frilly things, many of which just happen to be pink and just happen to be in some way affiliated with a breast cancer research charity. I’ve been a fan of Carolyn’s Kitchen retro chic aprons and washing up gloves for ages — I am a sucker for vintage apron patterns, after all — and I just now noticed that one of her apron and glove sets is Breast Cancer pink. Fifteen percent of the price of the apron and the gloves goes to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, which isn’t too shabby. Plus, it’s 100% on the level.

But if pink isn’t your bag, you can always make a donation to the breast cancer research charity of your choice and go browse Carolyn West’s other cute apron and glove sets.

Amsterdam based designer Monique Goossens creates playful, homey art pieces that are delightful in their unexpectedness.

Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find out much about Ms. Goossens. Her web site is nothing more than a placeholder for what I imagine will be some wonderful content. For now, I’ve placed some photos of her lovely stuff below the cut.

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A great feature recently up at Telegraph.co.uk brings together experts like award-winning landscape designer Bunny Guinness and interior-designer-slash-author Paula Robinson to compile a list of fifty ways to spruce up your house, inside and out.

For the most part, the improvements they suggest will cost you. Replace all your radiators with an underfloor heating system? Knock out tatty tiles and replace them with slabs of marble? Um, right. I’ll be sure to do that when the economy bounces back, but for now I’m married…and not willingly…to the DIY ideology.

That being the case, I pulled five of the less expensive tips out of the piece. If you’re in the same boat as me, they may help you freshen up your home without spending a bundle.

1. First impressions count, so update your front door with paint:

Glossy black looks great on grand, stucco buildings, but rather forbidding next to red-brick or on a smaller house or cottage where soft greys work well. Blue was voted most appealing in a survey of buyers, but whatever the colour, a trick used by high-end decorators to achieve the best finish is to use several coats of paint thinned with white spirit.

2. Give your kitchen a mini-facelift with new knobs:

Standard sized, plain round knobs emphasise the mass-produced look of cupboards. Replacing them with unusual handles will add interest and character. Aim for texture, and avoid bright lacquered brass; it looks tacky and wears badly.

3. Enjoy regular seasonal refreshment without breaking the bank:

Replace cosy throws on sofas with light-coloured linen or ticking (for a classic New England beach house look, you might even invest in fitted linen-mix loose covers that are put on just for the summer and can be thrown in the washing machine when dirty). Even cushion covers can change: find pretty faded linen floral ones or make your own.

4. Learn to use that old sewing machine collecting dust in your basement:

With a little imagination, you can transform antique linens into unusual curtains, blinds, sofa and armchair slipcovers, cushion covers, upholstered seats or linen bags. Vintage white and cream linen is perfect for spring and summer soft furnishings.

5. Check your gutters…seriously, yucky gutters make a house look bad:

Most gutter problems are not caused by leaves, however, but by leaking joints. Plastic guttering has a high coefficient of thermal movement, and this constant expansion and contraction can push adjacent sections apart. Maneuver them back into place, and check that the supporting brackets are lined up correctly so that it doesn’t happen again.

Ever since I got into sewing–thanks, in part, to some gracious tips left in the comments by Manolo for the Brides readers–I’ve been enamored with all of the great fabrics out there. The ones I like most either have really striking patterns or really vivid colors, so imagine my pleasure when I opened my new Pottery Barn catalog to find nothing but!

Intricate embroidery will cost you, if a lumbar pillow cover that costs $79 is any indication. I’m going to guess it was machine embroidery, which is something the ladies at the sewing center I frequent seem to do without eighty bucks worth of effort. But maybe they jut make it look easy!

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Renovating and redecorating — even when the change is a minor one — always makes me want to clean up. A new, intensely white stove just isn’t going to look right in a kitchen that’s a bit dingy with assorted life crud. It doesn’t matter if the replacement item is a sink, toilet, light fixture, or a new piece of furniture, I want to welcome it in with all of the fanfare it deserves. So what if I have to clean all over again when the installers are finished because they’ve left mud and sawdust everywhere?

The thing I really like about pulling things out from under cabinets and moving furniture around is that I’m bound to find something interesting or unexpected. Back in the old apartment in some random June, The Beard and I were rearranging our shared office. To our amazement, we found an unopened Christmas card containing three hundred dollars in cash.

I haven’t uncovered a similar windfall yet, though I am currently doing my best to clear my kitchen of all signs of human habitation. There will be plumbers and contractors tromping through today, and goodness forbid they see any signs that someone, say, cooks and eats in that room. Look, I’m the same person who will clean the entire house twice over because a friend is dropping in after work for a glass of wine. We can’t change who we are.

Anyone, the one thing I did find is the silly little pie bird that my mother-in-law bought me for my birthday last year. Fortuitously, it came with a matching pie plate…this was lucky because the cats’ dish is rather in need of a wash. For the time being, my feline companions will be dining out of a Pfaltzgraff dish.

I haven’t yet used my pie pan and bird to make an actual pie because I hate making pie crust. Pie birds, in case you’re wondering, are steam vents that keep wet fillings from bubbling over into the oven,where they make a great big smoky stink. I’ve been baking since I was knee high to a merry grasshopper (it’s a wonder that The Beard doesn’t weigh 400 pounds) but I cannot for the life of me make a pie crust that turns out tender. My crusts are, frankly, horrid, so I typically buy them, and then I still can’t use the pan because all of the roll out crusts contain lard and we’re vegetarians!

Where was I going with all of this? All I wanted to say when I started was that pie pans and pie birds make great gifts, even for those of us whose pies won’t be winning blue ribbons any time soon. An extra deep dish comes in handy now and again — your cats will thank you — and as for the bird…well, it can sit up on the windowsill over the new sink looking cute and inspiring conversation. After all, how many people in your life have ever seen a pie bird?